Who would have thought that I’d end up here in Alaska? Sometimes during those days when I’d list down the places I want to visit, Alaska would come to my mind but I never really thought about it… and now, I wake up to a beautiful sight of mountains with snow on top; a sea of really green trees and go to sleep with the sunlight up and shining as if it’s 12 noon. Although I wish I’d ended up here for vacation; the reason is way way farther than that… farther farther farther… a reason I wish was just a bad dream I could wake up from… but nonetheless, there are many many things I am very thankful for… and yes, miracle happens… God has always been with us… everyday… every minute… every second…

Sigh… thank you Papa God…

I’m getting really homesick now though… and even though we passed a really huge between-life-and-death hurdle… there are still things that make me feel… auuuggghhh… things that make me feel confused… things that I don’t know how to handle anymore… issues of how, when, where, why… issues of letting go, holding on, giving up, turning around… issues of practicality, reality and ideals… dreams… future… what to do next… what to think of first…

It’s like my life suddenly blew up into many many little fragments— like a puzzle with gazillion of pieces scattered where I could not see them… I am so confused… I think I need a retreat or something…